Ghost Of My Past
by glimmerrkogirl
Summary: Randy Orton's world is about to be turned upside down when a Ghost from his past shows up to be his new PR rep. RandySamantha with some Trish and a famous Football player thrown in for fun! PLEASE review :
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_Ghost of My Past_

"Just leave." I watched, as his icy blue eyes grew colder by the second. "I mean it. You have no right to be here."

I wondered how I could have ever loved him. I wondered where the man that, I was so convinced he was, had gone. I mean he acted like I planned this, I have moved on now. I am happy now. All it took was someone who was not him. I will not deny to you that he was my everything, I will not deny to you that he made me feel the way that no other before him or none other since him could ever make me feel, and I will not deny that when I look at his flawless exterior I see the man that I loved and still feel the same about, what I will deny is that I am not over him when I look into his eyes.

"Listen I had no way of knowing that this would happen. I never expected this. I couldn't say no. I had no way of knowing that you were returning to RAW tonight. I had no way of knowing that I would be your PR assistant. Do you think that I would have ever signed a contract knowing that I would be right back where I started... standing in the same room as with you!" I saw him flinch but only for a second. "Trust me Randy I hate this more than you know but I have no intentions of reneging on this deal because you can't handle being around me." I plunged the preverbal knife that I threw a little deeper.

He laughed that cocky arrogant laugh that still I found hauntingly sexy. "Listen doll," he knew I hated it when he called me doll but I just smiled sweetly which made him laugh. "It isn't me who will have to learn to handle it. You want to be here? Go ahead. But I promise you will regret it." With that he turned to leave but stopped at the door and slowly turned, he had the smirk that I knew all to well on his face. "Tell your hot shot fiancé I said hello." He laughed again and left.

It was a miracle that I was able to still stand. Even after all this time and the knowledge that we both had moved on he still caused a wave of warmth to engulf me. My knees felt like jelly and my stomach was still doing flip-flops. The relief flooded my body when he walked out the door and even more relief came when I collapsed into the chair behind me. I felt intoxicated. God, how I hated him because he still had this effect on me.

I caught a glimpse of my large diamond ring on an all-important figure. My stomach lunged even more, _Brady_, his name started echoing through my head. Compose yourself my head begged my body.

I knew taking this job I would eventually run into him, but I never thought that he was the one that I would be working with so closely. When I was offered to be a PR rep for one of the wrestlers I was ecstatic. Brady traveled with his job often so I was just sorta left with noting to do. So, a whole day of being bored with nothing to do inspired me to post my resume on-line and here I am. You may wonder why I chose a job where I would be working for the same company as someone I so adamantly distain; well you aren't alone so do I. But I honestly thought that I would not have to work with him. I thought that now that he was on Smackdown that there would be no problem. I wasn't sure weather to laugh or cry at how stupid that now sounded.

I was still somewhat lost in my own head when the door swung open. I half expected to see Randy standing there with the same icy gaze and mocking smile that he had when he had left. Instead I saw something much different. Someone I certainly did not expect to walk in. There he stood in his tailored jeans and camel colored cashmere sweater with a leather jacket draping on his broad shoulders. He was stunning as ever. "Hey Sammie they told me that I would find you here."

"What are you doing here?" I said standing and catching a glimpse of myself in a mirror across the room. My long brown hair was still neatly falling in the large curls I had worked so hard this morning to attain. My face however was pale as if I had seen a ghost. I almost laughed. I had seen a ghost one that would always haunt my past.

"You didn't think I would let your first day go by without a celebration dinner did you?" He smiled. And walked over and hugged me. "So who'd you get? Triple H, John Cena, Randy Orton….."

"Ding Ding." I said way to unenthusiastically.

"One of the big one's, good for you," He said. "Bad for me, why couldn't they have put you with an over the hill married guy." He laughed.

"Trust me, you have nothing to worry about with Randy Orton," I said somewhat glad I had never divulged any information about Randy and I to Brady and still feeling the sting in my heart as his name so casually rolled off my tongue. He grinned and leaned in for a kiss. I kissed him back but I know it wasn't whole-heartedly.

The door to the locker room opened again. This time I knew who it was, still wrapped in Brady's embrace. I caught Randy's eye, for a moment I saw him flinch again as if he would lose his dinner. But the moment of warmth was replaced by his icy stare and then Brady turned to see who had graced us with his presents.

"Well, well, well if it isn't Randy Orton. Hey man I am a big fan." He walked over and extended his hand. Randy looked confused; I know that from my pleading look that he realized Brady knew nothing of him. He smirked and took his hand.

"As am I of yours." He said. He kept looking from my pleading face to Brady's happy-go-lucky face.

"Thanks, we are having a decent season. So what do you think of my little Samantha here?" Brady said. I almost laughed at the irony of such a loaded question. Then Randy did something that utterly surprised and caught me off guard. He walked over and draped his long arm around my shoulder. Aside from the initial shock I felt weak in the knees all over again.

"Well, OUR, little Sammie here is something else now isn't she?" Randy said with that sly smirk on his face. I could have killed him. He knew I hated when I was called Sammie. The problem was that I didn't have the heart to tell Brady. I started to pull away for fear of fainting still but Randy just tightened his grip.

"Well I think so." Brady said with a reassuring smile.

"Why when I found out that my new little PR girl was engaged to Tom Brady, famous Quarterback for New England, I couldn't more intrigued as to how she came to want this job." He glanced over at me and I forced a smile and shoved my left hand in his face. He just raised an eyebrow. He released me to my relief then to my dismay he grabbed my hand to examine the ring more carefully. I felt as if he wanted to torture me as if that he knew the way that his touch still caused a physical reaction inside of me. But he couldn't. Could he?

"Ah well you see Sammie here, strange I thought that I was the only one that called you that, anyway she got bored staying home all the time alone. I guess I should have never had her travel so much with me in the beginning she got burned out but she loves wresting so this is defiantly something that she has been looking forward to." He gave me a reassuring look. I felt so guilty. I am not sure which I felt guiltier about Randy or Brady.

"Nice ring," Randy smirked and to anyone who didn't know as well as he knows himself would have thought that he was being nice, but I caught the hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"Thanks," I replied and jerked my hand away. For a moment none of us talked, I was certain that Brady was picking up on the tension between Randy and I that I doubt a saw could have cut. "Well sweetie are you ready?"

"Yes of course," he said with and interesting look on his face. He turned to Randy, "Nice to meet you Randy."

"The pleasure is all mine," I started for the door as Randy said in his smooth arrogant way. "Um Sammie can I speak to you alone." I could feel the blood rising in my face. "You know to go over business for a moment."

"What do you need Mr. Orton?" I said a little too sharp. He laughed as Brady excused himself.

"Oh come on Sammie you know way to much about me to start calling me Mr. Orton now." He looked at me after the door shut. "Or should I remind you." He stepped forward toward me, I felt my breathing change, and he was closer to me face to face than he had been in two years. It was taking my entire composer to stand straight up. The sent of his cologne was intoxicating. I could smell the smell Armani. He put one arm around my waist and pulled me roughly against him. I wanted to move but his presents was paralyzing. My mind begged me to move. But my heart dared me to. He took his other hand and held my face and just looked at it. His eyes were a mix of ice and desire. "I am not going to kiss you, but I know he can't kiss you the way you need to be kissed."

I came to my senses pretty quickly after that statement. I started to pull out of his grasp but to my surprise he released me. He laughed. I know the color had come back into my face. "I hate you Randy." That only made him laugh harder.

"For the fact that you wanted me to kiss you or the fact that I didn't do it?" He laughed harder. "What Mr. Hot Shot Quarterback doesn't make you feel that way?"

"Fuck you Randy." I screamed. I felt the tears well up.

"Oh wait you've already done that princess." He said. I felt them start to fall even thought I begged them not to. How could I have ever been in love with him? He was so cruel. I wanted to throw the last stone. I wanted to scream to him even if it was a lie that he was right I had him and I looked elsewhere. But as much as I hated him at that moment if would have killed me to have seen the pain in his eyes, so I just turned and walked away.

Hey guys let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I watched her slam the door. I stood in the spot where she had stormed out on me more than once frozen, determined not to show weakness until I knew that she was well away. How could she think of doing what she had done? Accepting this stupid job? I had finally thought that I was letting her go. Of course it was only a few months ago I was watching the NFL play offs and the camera closed up on her face flashing congratulations in bold lettering. No doubt congratulating her on her engagement. She was smiling, she looked happy. It took him to make her happy. Her smile not only radiated and lit the stadium that day, it also broke my heart.

In appearance she hadn't changed. She was still beautiful, her long hair which she was no longer wearing straight but in large round curls around her face. Her large hazel eyes still captivated me. Her skin still porcelain and her figure still tall and slender. She dressed more grown up now. She was what my mother would have described as chic. Even if the outside had not changed, the inside had. I saw a fire in her eyes, mixed with sadness, I could see the girl that she used to be but the woman that she had become. She was strong, not like before. She was independent, I supposed that experience had changed her. I know that we hurt each other but I still like to blame her.

I am sure that it must seem as if I hate her for what transpired between us. I knew that I would be kidding myself if I didn't admit somewhere deep inside I had to hate her in order not to love her. Still she brought the tingles that I had thought would have died between us and I know that whether she will ever let herself believe it she wanted me to kiss her tonight. It seems cruel that I would do what I had done, teasing her like that. But I had to know. I am not sure if it has made me happier to see the desire in her eyes or if I succeeded in hurting myself only once again.

I still blame myself ultimately for losing her. Even though she was the first to actually break. I still know that it was only my fault that she did it. He's better for her anyway. I see he adores her. He can give her what I never could or what she never believed that she had from me, his whole heart. I was young and she terrified me. No woman that I had ever been with, had ever made me feel the way that she had. For that matter no woman had ever been able to evoke so much rage and anger within me either.

Had I not been so immature I would have never been able to do what I did that ultimately lead to me losing her. I still look into Trish's eyes with regret, I don't think that she hated me but she hated her self for what we had both done to Sam. Even though the two weren't the best of friends, Trish knows that she should have never gone along with me. I look back and I realized how cruel what I had done to Sam really was but it was an experiment. I never thought that I would have ever fell for someone like her.

She was so good so All-American, the girl next door, sweet, innocent, nieive, not the sex kittens I normally went after. She resisted me at first, but I made her believe that I was just misunderstood, that I was nothing like the reputation that preceded me. Somewhere in trying to convince her that I wasn't who I was, I almost became the part that I played. When I realized that I had to do something, to what I thought then was to save who I thought that I wanted to be. What I really did was purchase the coffin that our relationship would be laid to rest in. She was the one that really had the courage to pluge the final nail.

I will never forget her eyes as she walked in on what she thought was unfaithfulness and made her rush into the real thing. The whole time I thought that I shouldn't have done it. The whole time I wanted to believe that I was still hard assed Randy. That she hadn't got to me, but when I saw her eyes that night I finally understood that she had won and her love and really changed the person that I was. By then it was too late.

An hour later, she was already in his arms.

When she came back and confessed everything I should have told her the truth instead of letting her believe that I had cheated on her. But I wanted to really hurt her as much as she had hurt me. I wanted to rip her heart out because she had stomped all over mine. She was apologetic and tears streaked her face, I could tell that she had not slept that whole night. But I still just kept a clenched jaw and with one quick sweep of my arm threw all of her belongings out into the hallway. With that she was gone. I had vanished every trace of her but her memory.

I just wish that she had taken the damn good guy that she had created in the place of who I thought I was. After what Trish and I had done it bonded us, she spent time with me comforting me. Eventually one thing led to another, she could accept that I may never be over Sam. I couldn't accept deep down that she was part of the reason that drove her away.

Interrupting my thoughts as if in a movie sequence the door opened. I knew that it couldn't be Sam. Without looking up I knew who it was. "Trish," I started.

"Damn it Randy, what in the hell is she doing here?" She was mad but not as much at me as it seemed herself. I knew how she felt. Sam was a ghost that would always haunt her past too.

"She works here." I said finally moving from the spot that I had been perched since Sam once again walked out that door.

"She what?" Trish said. I am not sure if she was more upset because she knew what I didn't want to admit or that she felt the guilt immerse her small figure once again. "What dose she do?"

"Don't ask." I said crossing the room to where she stood.

"No, she's not your new...?" Her voice trailed off as she could tell by the look in my eyes the answer.

We sat in silence for so long, neither of us knowing what to say to the other. Trish knew I never fell in love with her. We both found physical comfort in each other. We have called it a relationship but we both knew where my heart never really strayed. The time had changed the petite blonde that stood in fount of me. When we both met Sam we were both immature all we cared about was having the time of our lives. She had been sitting in a Barnes & Nobel alone sipping some sort of latte. She was as I said earlier innocent. I bet Trish that I could sleep with her with in four months. And then to get rid of her so to speak she would catch Trish and I in the act. She bet me I was wrong and that she was the type of little miss perfect that would not fall to my charm.

She was right and wrong. Sam only fell when I showed her me. The real me. The me that only she really knew. Trish pressure me to go through with it. I resisted until I could no longer and then gave in, not knowing that it would rip me to pieces in the long run. Now looking at Trish I knew that she hated herself as much as I hated myself.

"She's different you know..." Trish broke the silence. "She's not like she was...she is strong now."

"I know," I said. I walked over to the mirror and starred at the man that looked back at me and wondered if it were him out here if he could have done what I had. I saw Trish walk up behind me and put her hand on my shoulder. I wanted to shrug it away. I wanted to tell her that all I would do would be to see Sam's face, but instead I turned and kissed her, and once again tried to take away my emotional pain with physical pleasure.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It had been almost three days before I saw him again. We had avoided each other like the plague. So when the Friday night house shows started I had to finally talk to him again but I did everything in my power to keep it just business. Every time he looked at me I could swear I saw warmth come through his cold demeanor. But when I would look again it would be gone. The tension between the two of us only continued to mount.

I had talked with another PR assistant; she had told me that he and Trish were an item. I was guessing that they had been since he threw me out. I had been lucky enough to avoid that situation. I was busier with all of Randy's engagements than I would have thought. He was popular no doubt. I knew I was about to run into him because I had to take paper work for a TV appearance to him to sign. I stopped outside the locker room door. I almost knocked but didn't.

As soon as I swung open the door, I desperately wish that I had knocked. It was just like the scene two years ago. There he was sitting on a bench without a shirt, and Trish Stratus straddling him placing kisses all down his bare chest. For a moment I almost ran, for a moment my breath felt like it had been knocked out of me, for a moment I almost cried. But only for a moment, I would not let them see me cry again, neither of them deserved the satisfaction.

"Don't you knock…."? Randy started to yell but when he caught my eye and saw it was me he stopped. Trish must have heard him and she looked at me also. "Sam…" The way he said my name was different than the tone that he took with me since I had been back, it was soft almost regretful.

I cleared my throat and took a deep breath and fidgeted with the paper work in my hands. I begged my voice not to shake as I stared to speak. "I am…uh…sorry … to interrupt. I will come back if it is a bad time. I just ...have some um...paperwork for Randy to sign." I didn't look up again. I couldn't bear seeing the same picture that was all ready burned into my mind.

The mood in the room was so tense that I felt my body reacting. I was doing every thing I could not to shake. "Sam," he said my name again as tender as the first time. I was trying not to look up. I would not give him the pleasure to see me hurt. He must have moved Trish off his lap because he crossed the room to where I was standing still with the door open. I was frozen I couldn't move. He touched me, just my arm but I could feel the tears start. I would not let him see my eyes. I found the will to slam the papers on his chest.

"Sign where the red x is." I said never once looking at his face. I knew that my face was flustered. Why did I care? I didn't want to, he was too hard to love. What am I thinking? I love Brady. I don't care who Randy fucks. He took to papers and I could tell his moment of tenderness had passed.

"Do you have a pen?" He said hard and cold. I knew what he was doing he knew full well that I would have to break my stare down at my weighed down folder full paper work to retrieve him a pen.

"No, I am sure you can find one somewhere." I lied.

"But it's not my job to. It's yours...doll." I could feel the rage and anger rise up in my chest I threw the folder on to his chest and finally looked into his eyes. They were cold, he was a good actor, when his voice was tender I almost believed he cared. I wish that my figure tips had not grazed his skin. It brought back memories, ones that I tried but could never forget. I quickly found my bearings and started going through my purse. I retrieved something from the bottom. I held up the pen and he started to take it but I pulled it back.

"OH, Mr. Orton, I am so sorry, I forgot to take the cap off for you." I quickly pulled the pen back and ripped the lid off. And this time I looked into his eyes; I knew that my anger had masked my hurt. He laughed and used the stack of papers as a solid surface to sign the paperwork. I wish that I had looked away but when he laughed his blue eyes sparkled and I smiled to myself. I also noticed his body, cut and flawless as I remembered. It felt so natural that I would have been the one kissing him, and touching him. I quickly pulled myself back from the thought as he cleared his throat. I wasn't sure how long exactly I had been looking at him. But he knew.

"Still like what you see Samantha?" He was teasing me again. I stated to get embarrassed, but then I stared to play along.

"Oh Randy, you should know, that physical attraction to you was never the problem. Your physical attraction to everyone else was. Now if you both will excuse me I have work to do." I said taking my paper work and leaving them both with a look of shock. I

I just stood there watching the door close behind her. Trish was right, stronger, that was the word that described the change in her. I knew that when she walked it on us that it stirred her. I saw her heart almost break all over again. I knew that mine had. But when I provoked her she rose to the occasion. She had grown up.

Had I not heard Trish stir in the corner I would have thought that she had left. I turned and saw the petite blond starring at me with an expression that I couldn't quite read. "Well," she said.

"Well what?" I replied coolly. I wasn't sure what she wanted. Maybe I really am a jerk but I made it clear all along, I was not with her for love. I had enough of that with Sam. I knew that I would not give anyone that much power to hurt me again. I also wasn't sure it Sam would always hold it or not.

I watched Trish button her shirt. She was angry and this time it was with me. When she was finally done with her clothing she looked at me. "You will never not love her will you?"

This was none of her business. How could she even ask that when she knew the answer? We had discussed it more than once. The last thing I was going to do was say it to her. I glared at her coldly as if trying to tell her to tread lightly, but I knew she would press the issue. "Are you leaving or staying?" I said. I knew that the question had many ways of interruption. I wasn't even sure if I meant now or forever. I just opened up the door and she walked out of it. I think deep down I knew Trish would be back. She wasn't like Sam. Trish lacked the courage of her convictions. And for the first time I felt guilty for taking advantage of that.

It took all I had to walk out and pretended that I was okay, leaving Randy and Trish to finish what I had interrupted. I didn't hate Trish as much as you would think. In fact I felt sorry for her. She loved him, much more than he would ever be capable to loving her. Randy is a hard person to put behind you and get over but an even harder person to love. I wasn't staying for the show and pulled my thin jacket around me tight as I prepared to walk out into the cold Chicago winter night.

When I walked out I saw a sight that surprised me. Snow completely covered the private parking lot of the arena. It was hard to make out which cars were which, at that moment I wish that I had sprung for an SUV instead on a little VW bug. I stood there wondering what I was going to do with a foot of snow on the ground, when I heard the door slam behind me. I knew who it was instinctively.

"Wishing you had sprung for the truck now don't you Sam?" I turned to see him dressed in a Columbia coat and jeans. "Glad I did." He laughed.

"No I stand behind my judgment. I am fine." I said adamantly. He laughed. But the laugh was real not his sarcastic laugh or arrogant smirk.

"Come on you can ride back to the hotel with me." He said. His eyes were not cold they were not warm. I didn't think that I should go. His presents still had too much of an effect on me.

"No I am fine." I stared to walk away to see if I could find my car. When he did something that astonished me. He grabbed my arm. I turned to look at him.

"Sam I am not a bastard I am not letting you drive in a car that I feel quite certain that you will have an accident in." He said firmly. "Let's face it you are not that great of a driver anyway." I opened my mouth to argue and remembered that I wasn't and he was right.

"Time changes things." I stated. Still determined not to be alone with him for that long. I expected him to laugh but he didn't.

He just stated firmly. "Not that much." I knew that he wasn't just talking about my driving.

For the mere fact that I didn't want to drive in the snow and I knew that he wouldn't give up. I gave in. "Ok."

"Besides I would hate to have Mr. Quarterback try to kick my ass for letting you drive in this weather in a bug." I felt a pang of guilt. Why did he bring up Brady? Why did he have to remind me once again of what transpired between he and myself? "Sam you don't have to feel guilty. It was a long time ago." I shook my head wondering why he was being so nice.

I shivered in the cold and wished that I had worn a heavy coat instead of just a stylish small one. I watched Randy dig out the Escalade that he had rented. He looked up at my noticeable discomfort. "You about done?" I said shivering.

"Why are you cold?" He asked.

"You always were an Einstein Randy." I said a little sarcastically. He removed his coat a waded over to me and draped it around me. "No it's cold I can't take this Randy." I slipped it off wondering why he was being such a gentleman.

"Take it Sam, I'm fine." He said. "I'm working up a sweat digging the truck out anyway." He laughed. I was cold so I wrapped the big coat around me. It smelled like him. I could smell his Armani cologne intoxicate me again. I felt as if for a moment he had me wrapped inside his arms just like he used to.

"Thanks," I finally managed. He winked at me. Why was he doing this? Begin charming Randy? I thought he hated me. "Why aren't you at the show anyway?"

"I did my quick spot and decided to leave." He said simply still brushing the snow off the windows.

"Where's Trish?" I asked. He shot me a look. I decided it best not to purse that question. Even though I couldn't help but wonder why he didn't care how she got to the hotel.

I stood what seemed like an hour lost inside my own head when he finally stepped beside me and opened the door and held up his hand to help me into the Escalade. I took one step on the running board that was still slick with snow and ice and my Prada heel slipped. He caught me. I was face to face even closer than the last time I found myself in this situation. My breath caught in my chest. He was holding me so close and all the ice had melted in his eyes. He just looked at me. I am not sure if he wanted to kiss me or if he wanted me to kiss him. I didn't want to move. A part of me wanted to stay here right like this just looking at him forever. But the logical side of me, won.

"Sorry, you know how clumsy I am, your right somethings time will never change." He knew what I meant. He gave me a weak smile and helped me into the passengers seat. And slammed the door.

_Damn Randy what are you doing? She's engaged_. I kept saying as I stood around the back waiting until I could gain my composure. _But she loved you first. You see it she still dose._ I wanted to shoot the little voice in my head. I couldn't do this. I finally regained my strength to face her again and got into the drivers seat and started the car. I was silent. So was she. I reached for the radio and fidgeted with the dial until something finally came in. I pulled out as a song that I knew all too well started playing. It made me think of her.

_I will not make _

_The same mistakes _

_That you did_

_I will not let myself_

_Cause my heart so much misery_

_I will not break _

_The way that you did, you fell so hard_

_I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far_

Damn this song, I thought of him every time I heard it. I used to cry myself to sleep listening to it. Seeing his face in the darkness. I reached for the radio to turn it off as I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. He caught my hand. And simply said, "Leave it." For some reason I obeyed.

_Because of you_

_I never stray to far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you_

_I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_

_Because of you_

_I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me_

_Because of you_

_I am afraid_

_I lose my way_

She sat straight ahead not looking at me and I not looking at her. She felt it too. She felt like this some how summed her and I up. We were so much alike and so different at the same time. She had made me afraid. I know I had made her afraid. And I ultimately knew that we were afraid of each other.

_I lose my way_

_And it's not too long before you point it out_

_I can not cry _

_Because I know that's weakness in your eyes_

_I'm forced to fake_

_A smile each and every day of my life_

_My heart can't possible break when it wasn't even whole to start with_

I knew I was crying. I could feel the tears falling down my face onto his coat. Why was he doing this? Why couldn't he just turn it off? It was obvious wasn't it that he had already gotten to me. Randy was mean sometimes but I knew that he was vurnable too. Did he really want me to see him this way? Or was this another game?

_Because of you _

_I never stray to far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you_

_I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_

_Because of you_

_I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me_

_Because of you_

_I am afraid_

I couldn't look at her but I knew that she was crying. I felt as if my heart was being ripped out again. I wanted her back I finally realized how much. I knew that she would never be able to trust me again. I also knew she deserved the truth no matter how much I was afraid of telling her. I knew that it would make her hate me and herself even more. But she had a right to know that I loved her, and that it wasn't her fault. That I was the one, that messed up. I was ready after two years to confess and forgive everything.

_I watched you die_

_I heard you cry_

_Every night in your sleep_

_I was so young you should have known _

_Better than to lean on me_

_You never thought of anyone else_

_You just saw your face_

_Now I cry in the middle of the night_

_For the same damn thing_

I hated my self. I hated myself for still loving him. I hated myself because Brady didn't make me feel this way and he was perfect. I hated myself for taking this job. What I hated most of all is that one if not all involved was going to get hurt. There were four lives that had the potential to get messed up in this. I just had to let him go. He would always be him. He would never be what I really needed.

_Because of you _

_I never stray to far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you_

_I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_

_Because of you_

_I try my hardest to forget everything_

_Because of you _

_I don't know how to let anyone else in_

_Because of you _

_I am ashamed of my life because it's empty_

_Because of you_

_I am afraid_

_Because of you_

We rode in silence the rest of the way. I watched her when we pulled into the hotel parking lot. She starred ahead. "Thank you for the ride Randy." She stared to get out of the Truck. I reached for her hand. Touching her was torture and heaven at the same time.

"Sam we have to talk." I said. I saw her face she looked confused, hurt and scared.

"No Randy, not tonight, I am tired." She said.

"Sam please." I said I didn't want to push her, but I knew that things would go back to the way that they were tomorrow if I didn't talk to her. I knew that if she pushed me away I would retreat like I always did. I felt like I could get through to her tonight. I felt like I could tell her the truth tonight. I didn't know what the light of morning would hold. I knew that by the light of morning what I would like to be holding. Here it rested on her shoulders. Maybe I was being unfair again, I had almost set this up as an ultimatum in my mind.

"Randy, I can't deal with you tonight." She looked at me and I felt the anger rise. Deal with me?

"You are no picnic most of the time either Samantha, but I have got to tell you something. If it waits till tomorrow it will never happen." I spat back.

"What so I will sleep with you tonight and leave me with the morning light? Make me feel guilty, so you can torture me more. What you want to hear you hurt me? You want to hear I'm sorry for Brady? What do you want me to say Randy; I wish things were different between us. Would it matter? You are who you are and I am who I am. Let's just face it." She said getting out and slamming the door. I would have normally let her go but I couldn't I had to fight with her to fight for her.

Just a quick disclaimer I do not own anything that you recognize lol.

Thank you for reading this and even a bigger thanks to those who have reviewed.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_Samantha_

The icy air hit me like a ton of bricks. If it is possible the temperature was dropping. I thought if I can just make it to my room without completely falling apart then I would be fine. I have to get away from him or he is going to see it all. All the pain, all the frustration, all the hate but the worst of it all...all the love. I couldn't go there I was getting married in one month and I just couldn't do this. If I stop then I will never stop loving him and for my sanity I had to stop. It hurt too much. I knew Randy though, I knew that if he really wanted to talk to me then nothing would stop him.

I heard his door slam. He got out of the massive Escalade and ran over to block my path. I tried to go around him. I tried to go to either side but it was to no avail. He just blocked me. I was still looking down determined not to look at him. "Move," I screamed. He just stood there.

"No," he said. His voice was so tender but firm. I lost it. I started to sob harder than I had in two years. I don't remember exactly how everything that happened next happened. I felt as if I would faint but a pair of strong arms stopped me. My mind protested with everything that I had in me but my body refused to cooperate, maybe it was my heart that decided to pull rank on my head. I let him hold me, like a helpless child. I don't really know how long he held me as I cried I had lost all track of time. I could no longer feel the cold on my body. All I could feel was his warmth.

"Shhhhh, shhhhh," his one of his hands was rubbing my hair. "Sam I love you." I stopped crying and looked at him. Had I imagined that? Did he just say he loved me? I looked at him finally and saw he was as stunned as I was.

"What?" I whispered. He looked so unlike the Randy that I had seen lately. He looked like the Randy that I fell in love with. I think he was scared and I know I was.

_Randy_

Oh, no. I can't believe I said that. I don't know what to say. Maybe I just should say it again at the risk of losing her, there was only one problem with that: I will have put everything out on the table and then she will know. There is no taking it back if I say it again, I knew that. She just looked at me, she was searching my eyes, looking for some glimmer of truth. I wanted to run from her just as she had tried to run from me, but I created this and it was time. If I didn't do it now I would never have another opportunity. I wanted her to reach out and touch me, I wanted reassurance that if I did this she would say it back. But she did nothing but look at me.

"Sam," I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "I love you." This time she touched my face and I felt as if I would fall the way she almost did. I opened my eyes and I saw all the uncertainly that there could possibly be. But underneath it all I saw her. I saw her love. She loved me still. So I decided to take another chance.

I pulled her to me and kissed her. I kissed her hard and long and she kissed me back. I felt her arms rise and go around my neck. She was as hungry as I was. She wanted more and so did I. I picked her up somehow and without remembering how we actually got inside the hotel. I don't even remember the elevator. All I knew was she was there and even if it was wrong, even if she was wearing another man's ring, she was mine in this moment. I didn't see the future and I had somehow forgotten the past all Sam and I had was here and now.

_Samantha_

I couldn't explain the hold that he had over me, the power that he possesed in his kiss. I wanted him. Part of me needed him. I never knew that something that was tecinlly so wrong could feel so right. I don't remember how we got to the elevator but we did. I saw him fumble with the button to get us to the top floor. It's the penthouse, of course nothing less for Mr. Orton. Then he came back and he slammed me against the wall of the elevator. I kissed him and finally felt the fire that I thought had burned out. Oh God how I needed him. In every way. I loved him.

"Oh Randy," I managed to get out in a low whisper. " I love you." There it was the three words that completely complicated my life all over again. That provoked him more. I felt him start to take his coat off of me.

"Sam," he moaned in that low sexy voice that I had longed to hear and wanted to run as far away from as possible.

"DING" The elevator swung open. He pulled me out without interrupting the kiss. I am not sure how we got into the room, I remember hitting a lot of walls. He fumbled with his key and the door swung open.

"I need you Sam." I kissed him harder and pushed him onto the bed and finally stripped off his coat then my own and crawled onto his lap. I felt him underneath me. I pulled his sweatshirt over his head. And ran my hands down his tan, sculpted stomach. I felt his moan catch in his throat. This was it, there was no way that we could take it back now, it had all become to real again.

Randy

RING….RING…I could hear the phone screaming in the distance. I chose to ignore it because I knew that if we stopped that the moment would have been broken. I knew Sam she would snap to her senses and then all hope would be lost of reconciliation tonight. She stopped kissing me and I knew I had to take charge or it would be over. I would like to strangle whoever is on the other end of that phone. "Ignore it." I said. Flipping her over and placing another kiss on her lips, she resisted at first then to my surprise gave in. Every moment more was pushing me to the edge of intoxication. She surrounded me, all there was in the world was her and me and this minute. Then there was something else RING…RING…RING…RING. 'Damn that phone.'

"Stop…Randy…Stop." She wiggled out of my embrace and sat up breathless.

I moved forward to start again. "Ignore it."

"No, they have called twice it may be important." She said. I could tell that she was still coming back to reality and it had not totally hit her yet. RING, RING…I have to admit the loud ringing was getting on my nerves.

"Fine," I rolled my eyes and picked up the phone. "Hello." I said. I listened; the snowstorm had made the line have static on it.

"Randy," Trish's voice sounded so far away and so distant in my ear.

"Not now." I said and started to hang up.

"Wait, I am back at the hotel and want to make earlier up to you." She said sounding somewhat upset.

"Not necessary. I'm tired go to bed." I said trying desperately to cut it short.

Her voice raised, "No I am coming over with or without your permission we need to talk." I hadn't seen her angry in quite sometime. Depressed yes, sad yes, but angry no. This was not the time.

"No," I said. "Goodnight." And hung up hoping desperately that she would just stay in her room.

_Samantha_

_(Sam's thoughts during the phone call)_

The moment the phone rang and notified us both that we were no longer in our own world where we could forget the damage that this could do to us or the others involved, innocent or not, something about looking around Randy's penthouse suite took me back to the moment that he threw me out of one. I fought not to have my memory take over but lost the battle unsussesfully. The main thing that I will never forget is the silence that hung in the air.

_**Flashback**_

_Slience._

_That is all there is when there is nothing more to say. I was too afraid to cry yet. I was too afraid to yell, too afraid to whisper but most of all to afraid to say the words that I should have said more than anything, I'm sorry. I knew that none of it would matter anyway, that no matter what happened at that moment that he would still walk out that door. I knew that there was nothing that I could say that would change his mind. I was helpless._

_I never thought that it would ultimately be me that tore us apart. He stared the tear and I ripped it until there was nothing left of both of our hearts. I had never seen him cry not until this fight, not until I twisted the knife. I knew that it had been a mistake from the beginning. I knew the whole time because it had just felt too wrong. With ever touch, with every kiss I knew what I was doing. I won't tell you that it was uncontrollable, because it was. Premetated? No, but still controlable. _

_He stood in frount of the door and he just looked at me. His icy exterior had been washed away by the grief that I caused him. I don't understand this, I mean he had to expect it, he had done it too. He never came out and said it, of course not. But I saw it, I saw them, now all the private conversations and unideitifed phone calls made since. When I saw her in his arms kissing him, thouching him, and him reciprocating, I lost it I ran and I ran and I ended up there in that bar, and as fate would have it sitting beside of Tom Brady from the New England Patriots. _

_Randy used to tease me about my slight crush on him. Here it was the wrong time, the wrong place, and most deifnatly the wrong oppertuinty. How better to hurt him? Do to him what he did to me. Crack his heart like he had shattered mine. I knew it was wrong, but Tom was so sweet. He was attentive, caring, warm, and acted like I was the most beautiful girl in the city. I am not making excuses for what I did because there really are none, it is unjustifiable. _

_I wish that I could lie and say that the mix of rum and coconut took over and I didn't know what was happening but that would be a lie. I was drunk but not that drunk. I was sick of being the good girl. Poor Tom Brady never even knew what hit him. I took his number when leaving his room with no intentions of calling him. My heart only belonged to one person and as much as I wanted to hate him, I couldn't, not yet anyway. _

"_Get out," he said in a cold angry voice that was so unlike the Randy that I had fallen in love with. I just sat there and looked up and him, tears had started to fall now._

"_Randy please listen…" I begged. It was finally hitting me what we had done to one another. Oh God I was going to lose him. Even after what I witnessed I wanted to work through it with him. _

"_Get the fuck out Samantha." He said louder than he had before. _

"_Randy talk to me please…" I stood up and started toward him. He walked to my suitcase, picked it up and flung my belongings across the hall. I was stunned. I reached out to touch him and he pulled away._

"_Get out!" He yelled. I just looked at him sobbing. He grabbed me hard on the arm and pushed me out the door and proceeded to slam it in my face. How could he do this to me? I know I was wrong but so was he. He did it first. All I remember is sitting on the floor sobbing. And after an unmesrable amount of time I gather my things off the floor, but I left one thing: My heart beaten and broken on his door. _

When I snapped back to reality he was just looking at me. At some point the he must have ended the call. All I could remember was how hurt I had been and how confused I was now. In this moment I was so unsure of what my next step had to be but I knew that I had to be away from him, if only for a little while to figure it out.

_Randy_

When I turned back to her I could see it in her eyes, something had changed, something was wrong. "Sam?" I said. She didn't say anything. I moved in to kiss her again I figured it was worth a shot. She moved out of my grasp.

"Randy we need to talk." I wasn't really in the mood to talk what was it with everyone just wanting to talk. I knew that she was right and I knew that Trish was right. I knew that I had to tell her about the set up anyway. It just felt so good to hold her and to kiss her that I think it would kill me to lose her again, even though I wasn't sure if I had her. I sighed.

"I need…um…. Some time to process this…" She said. I could see that she had been thinking, about what was a mystery to me. Sam could hide things well but most of the time I could see right through her.

"Okay," I said trying to be understanding.

"Alone," She said. She looked up at me and started to adjust her shirt. When I knew what I had to do. She deserved to know the truth.

"Fair enough, but I need to tell you something." I said. I took a deep breath and prayed that somehow even though I was defintaly not the person to ask the big man upsairs any favors that he would have my back.

_Samantha_

I just sat back down and nodded, the look in his eyes was a mix of regret and fear. I had no idea what he was going to say but I knew that he was scared to say it. My stress drive had already kicked into high gear with the realization that I just cheated on Brady . I had always cheated on him in my heart, weather I would admit it or not. I was just so confused. Could I trust Randy?

But it was real. I had wanted Randy there was no denying that I could see it even through my cloud of confusion. I still wanted him. I didn't just want him for one night, I wanted him forever and it was killing me. Brady was the right type of guy, he loved me, I could trust him. Randy I still wasn't sure of. Every logical bone in my body was fighting with my heart that was screaming it was tired of grieving for the loss of Randy Orton. I was terrified of the next steps no matter what they may be.

Part of me wanted to reach out to reassure him, because it was so rare that anyone see the Randy Orton that I was witnessing right now. He looked so scared and so torn and aggravated at the same time. I still didn't know who called but part of me wanted to even though I didn't have a right. The memories of the messy break up that night haunted my thoughts everyday for two years but somehow tonight had made it more real than it had felt in a long time. Randy tood a deep breath.

"Sam," He said so softly. I said nothing I was too afraid. "What you saw…That night…With Trish." He sounded so different so vunrable, just like he looked that night he tossed me and my suitcase out into the hallway. "It wasn't real…I didn't sleep with Trish."

Now I was stunned. He was lying. I saw him…them. His voice was so unsteady. He seems so honest. I felt the something start to rise up in me and I wasn't sure what it was anger and hurt were running at me full force within my heart.

"I saw you." I said hard and almost cold. The pain the hurt was all coming back but the worst of it all was the hate.

"Listen," he looked up into my eyes. "Sam you were a bet." I felt the tears start come to my eyes now. I looked at him for understanding. I saw fear. "Trish bet me I could sleep with you 2 years ago. The plan was to leave you, to break you heart, to hurt you. What you saw was an act." He was looking scared still and hurt, not by me but by himself. He faked it. He faked his relationship with me. He faked loving me. I was wrong. Everything that I had known with him, everything that I thought he felt for me was a lie. I was wrong. I felt myself start to lose control. "Sam stop…listen to me…please." He started.

"No, you listen to me you son of a bitch." I rose and so did he. "How dare you request anything of me after what you have done. Did you think that it would be funny to play upon and innocent girl's heart?" I screamed. "Did you think that it would be fun to make me fall in love with you?" I screamed louder. "Well guess what Randy Orton I hate you and I always will." I turned to leave and he grabbed my hand.

"No you have to let me finish." He said. If I had looked at him I would have seen the pain in his eyes, the remorse in his face. But I couldn't.

"Let go of me Randy. I don't have to let you do anything." I struggled free. "What was all of tonight a sick joke too? I bet you told Trish 'let's break her and Tom Brady up. Let's ruin her life.'" I said. He grabbed me holding me arms at my side.

"Sam I love you. I fell in love with you. I messed up. When it was time to go through with it I didn't want to but I was young and stupid and you scared the hell out of me. Like you do now, but now I know what I want. Please don't hate me, please just listen. You don't have to forgive me, but I want you to know that I didn't sleep with her that night, after you walked in I stopped everything. I went looking for you. It was my fault you slept with Tom Brady that night I know that, and I know why you did it. I was stupid and hurt that is why I kicked you out all the while knowing that it was my fault. I love you and you can walk out of that door if you want I will not hold you here but don't think for one second that I will not stand and fight for you to stay. I know you hate me right now, but I had to tell you the truth, you deserved it. But Sam deep down I know you love me too. You can hide it with your perfect little life but I see right through it or you would have never let what almost happened almost happen." With that he relased me and he had tears in his eyes to match my own. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what I felt. I didn't know what to do.

"I need to go…I need to think…" was all I could manage to say. I turned to walk out the door and didn't look back. I some how opened the door and stumbled into the hallway without collapsing. I had to get out of the hotel. I didn't know where I was going, I didn't care I just had to go.

Thank you to all of you who have read and reviewed please let me know what you think. Thanks.


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